ZM and me

I think I am a lousy mommy. Nowadays I am so grumpy and always scold ZM. Sometimes he does things that I do not like such as hugging his brother too tight, eating too much snacks at one go, does not respect books, does not like drinking water and etc. in a day, there will be times that I will scold ZM. I wanted a day without scolding ZM, but it seems so impossible. Probably I am too demanding and protective. But I could not help it. There are so many things that I disapprove. I do not know if I am doing it right or wrong. There are times that ZM says: Mommy never listens to me! I feel saddened by this statement. I do not know if I am wrong in scolding him at that point. I have tried asking him what is it that I did not listen to him. He could not answer me. I am at lost.

I am very disappointed with myself too. I think I am too harsh on this poor kid. Well, he is not even 3 years old yet! Probably I am too cooked up raising my naughty baby. There are many times ZM wanted me to carry him as he sees me carrying ZD often. I admit that I seldom carry ZM nowadays. I do miss carrying him, but once I carry him, he will not let me put him down. He must have loved me to carry him.

I think I should spend more time and be more patient with him. Whenever he is doing his activity books, I feel that he is so slow and I scold him again. I know deep down inside that he is slow in academically (I think), but I tend to scold him so often. I think I have high expectation of him. I think I compare him with other kids too much. I know I am wrong, but I can’t help it. I think I am a ‘kiasu’ mom. I told myself that I should not compare and I will not compare but it seems that I AM comparing! I am truly hopeless.

I hope I can change and scold less. I pledge to smile more and treat him as a 3 years old kid. I hope to be more patient and see things from him perspective (this is tough)! I want him to enjoy his childhood and be able to remember them when he is older. I want him to be a role model for his brother. And lastly, I want him to be happy.

Super Nanny

Many mothers need to have help when they bring up their children. They have maids, mother-in-law, nanny, babysitter, child care centers, relatives and others. But I do not have such luxuries. I only have my son ZM to help me.

ZM has shown to care for his unborn brother during my pregnancy. I was very happy indeed at that time and also worried would it be a temporary period. But as for now, I really should not have worried at all. He is a proven ‘super nanny’ to me as he has helped me in countless time in caring for his brother.

In those early months grueling breastfeeding, ZM always wanted to help me to burp ZD as ZD always throws up after a feed if not burp.  ZM is always at ZD’s side to sing and play with him. Whenever I need a help in getting ZD’s clothes, ZM is forever handy to get me diaper, nappy liner, nappy pants, baby wipes, hanky, shirts and pants and others. When ZD cries, ZM will be running to get a toy for him and he will be running to me to inform me that my baby is crying and demanded me to carry and pacify ZD.

Now that ZD is older, ZM likes to make him smile and laugh. Whenever ZD laughs at his antics, he will do more so that his brother laughs more. Everyday, ZM will obliged to get his brother toys when I ask him to and help to put the toys away when they are done with it. Whenever I need to be away to the washroom or in the kitchen, I will get a report of what ZD did when I get back. Should ZD be doing anything that I disapprove (climbing high, shaking tables and chairs and etc), ZM will alert me.

A few days ago, this conversation took place:

ZM: Mommy, come! ZD smelly!

Me: Why is ZD smelly? Where?

ZM: Here, he mm…mm (poo) smelly!

So, I went and checked and indeed ZD had pooed! Hah, now this ZM is also able to recognize his brother’s poo smell.

I will often praise ZM in helping me to take care of ZD. I think without ZM, my life is so boring. ZM is really a true gem and good brother and nanny to ZD.

ZM and ZD

Way before ZD was born, ZM has shown his liking for another sibling as he always kisses and hug my belly. He also put toys on my belly to ‘share’ with his sibling. So, at that time I was sure that ZM will welcome his brother with a big heart.

When ZD was born, ZM understands that I need to take care of his brother that he did not show any sibling jealousy which I was very proud of. He loves his brother so much that he became very possessive of his brother. He usually tells everyone that ZD is his ‘baby’ and no one can carry him. Whenever a relative comes over, they will want to carry his little brother as he is a cute baby of course! But ZM will look at this relative as if she has eaten his favourite food! If this relative teases him if she could bring ZD home, ZM will start to cry and forbid her to carry ZD away. Then he will quickly come to me and ask me to carry ZD back.

Now, ZM’s favorite phrase to everyone is ‘ZD is my brother!’ as I have corrected him since my sister-in-law always tease him that ZD is actually my baby. So, he goes round and tell everyone in the house that ZD is his brother.

ZM likes to play with his ZD and ZD likes his brother’s company too. Often, I find them both laughing and giggling together when I am busy surfing the net or in the kitchen. ZM always tries to make ZD laugh and happy. I am so blessed. ZM also like to hug ZD but ZD does not like his brother to hug him and pushes him away. ZM is always unhappy with this and sadly tell me that ZD push him away. I always have to console ZM that probably he hugs him to tightly so ZD does not like it.

ZD likes to play with  ZM’s toys. Whenever ZM is playing with his toys, ZD will be so excited and his eyes are fixed to what ZM is doing. ZD will also grab ZM’s toys until ZM has to shout for me to help him get back his toys! This is one thing that ZM do not like his brother’s doing. But otherwise, both of them are like good friends. I hope both of them will be forever good friends and brothers and love each other unconditionally.

ZD’s porridge

Since ZD was 6months old, I have started to cook porridge for him. At first, he did not like it at all and only took 2 or 3 teaspoon. It was very frustrating and sad. At that time also, he did not have a proper place to sit while eating. I only place him in between my lap and I guess he does not like it. He wiggles and squirms and would not like to eat.

Then, I got a proper chair for him from my MIL and it suited fine for him. He began to eat his porridge better and sit longer than his 2-3 spoonfuls. Slowly, his porridge intake increase to half a small bowl (Chinese rice bowl). I am satisfied and happier. Now, he can eat up to three quarter bowl and sometimes a whole bowl! When he is full, he will turn away or spit out the porridge from his mouth and this is when I stop feeding him.

Today’s porridge consists of spinach, carrot, potato and anchovies powder. It is ready to eat and it is still in the rice cooker waiting for him to get up from his afternoon nap. Besides the above ingredients, I also put broccoli, cabbage, pumpkin, sweet potato, pork, kei chi (wolfberries), red dates, baby sweetcorn and tomato. Practically, I just put whatever I have into his porridge. Normally a porridge feed would consist of 2-3 types of ingredients.

So far, he has been a good baby to eat his porridge except for a few feeding which was difficult to feed. Probably he was still full from his milk feed. I hope he can continue to enjoy his porridge and later hopefully transit to eating rice successfully.

Papa…..Mama……

ZD is now 10 months plus. Recently his babbling has become more distinct where I could guess what he is babbling (I think). He has babbled ‘papa’ many times and hubby was happy to hear that. Hubby tried many times to coax ZD to call him but to his dismay, ZD could only call whenever he likes. Recently, ZD had added ‘mama’ to his vocabulary. I thought I heard him wrongly, but he kept repeating it. At first, I thought he was saying ‘mum..mum’ which is food, but he said it after I fed him porridge.
Hubby said for ZD to mean what he said, ZD need to look at me when he call ‘mama’ and I do notice that ZD did look at me when he said it. And he even come to me and wanted me to carry him! So, I think he did mean what he said. How happy I am now! I will encourage ZD to speak more now and greet his daddy more. Hubby is so jealous as he has yet to see ZD coming to him when he said ‘papa’.
As for now, I am in cloud nine! I could not wait to hear ZD call ‘koko’ as in brother to ZM. I am sure ZM would love to hear it as he adores his little brother so much.