Archive for February, 2011

Feeling very down

February 6, 2011

I am really feeling  down. I am a mother of 2 young boys. My hubby is a real estate agent but he is not really good at it. He has been in this field for approximately 5 years. But his income per month is really low and most of the time, none at al. Now, its me who is supporting the family. He likes to play computer games throughout the day. He does not want to work for people as his ego is too big. I am too stressed out as my income is too low to support the entire family. Whenever I told him to stop playing games, he gets mad. I have already very prudent in my spending. Actually I do not spend at all. I am even eating oats for lunch so that I can save for the family. Whenever I go out, I only choose the cheapest things in town for myself. Most of my things are so outdated. Its not me that is so outdated, but I do not have the money to be in fashion. My sons are also not so well behaved. He is in Std 1 right now. But when he gets home, all he does is play and play. I have told him to at least finish his homework before he goes to play. Probably he is too young to understand self control. But this will cause me to fork out a chuck of my salary to send him to a daycare centre for studies. I really do not have a choice.  I really do not now how am I going to survive any longer. We still have not got an insurance policy for my younger son. I really owe him this. I really plan to buy him one very soon. But with such budget constraint, how can I manage? Tried very long to find a part time job, but still could not find one that is suitable. I come home quite late after work, as such, not much time to work part time too. Not too mentioned that I am really tired at the end of the day. I am really stressed out. Anyway out? Tried talking to hubby but failed. He still keep playing games not knowing that he is almost reaching  age 40 and yet still without a proper job and income. I do not know what is he thinking. He keep telling me that he have plans in his mind but lack of money. If he continue like this, I rather die as I am too tired. Actually I do not mind to provide for the family, but as long as you are as working and contribute some, I would be grateful. And do stop playing games as it is so addictive until you would rather send us out of your way so that you can have peace to yourself to play. Have you ever think about me? I have feelings too! Sometimes, I wanted to go out too. All you do is to ask me where do I want to go? Can’t you just bring me somewhere and plan for me at times? If I do not suggest a place, you would just stay at home and continue to play your games. Can’t you just plan something for me? Can you just give me some surprises instead of just being a driver? If I am not able to find a place to go or eat, can’t you just google some places for us? Why must you continue to play your games? I am really bored. Really really bored and sad and hurt. I really wish that I have more money. I used to hate money. But now I really wish that I have more money. I still have lots of important things that I need to spend on especially for my kids. I don’t think you care enough for your kids. You do not care much about other people but yourself. You are really a selfish person who only care for yourself. As long as you can play games, you will be satisfied. You have never think about my feelings and needs. You also do not care much about your kids. If you care enough for your kids, you will not play games and instead, put all your energy in looking for more money for the family. Since playing games is your priority each day, tell me how much you care for your family? If you can use all your time on your games and use it to look for money, I think it will make a big difference. Tell me, what can I do more?