Here I am again…feeling very down. I could not sleep every night. I think I am very stress with my life… everything seems very gloom to me.

I have monetary problems… My family consist of 4 person namely hubby, 2 kids and myself. Hubby has not been bringing in the dough for years. I am the one who  brings in the dough day in and day out. This is stressing me a lot. I have to pay for the daily expenses, yearly insurance premium which consist of more than RM10,000, kids schooling expenses, kids extra co-curiculum activities, outdoor trips and etc… the list goes on.

I really do not know how to finance all these expenses. I wanted money to spend on myself too. Why can’ I get this? I am truly not happy. Every weekend, I try not to go out so that I can save the money. But how much I can save?

I really envy other people where they can spend their own money  on themselves. Or better still, their hubby can sponsor their spending… But on my case, I have to sponsor his expenses.

This life is really not fair to me. I feel like leaving this world. I really cannot take it anymore. I wanted to rent a hotel room and bring in my sleeping pills. Just sleep off as much as possible. I really do not mind not waking up at all. Just wanted to leave this world…

But I realised that I have yet to save money for my kids. I really do not know after I leave this world, will they have money to survive. Can’t count on hubby. I think if I really leave, he will count on his family to support his own kids. Pathetic right? That is why I am still here…

I really could not sleep at night. I am having insomnia….. all because of money.. and stress…I am so unhappy. I see no reason to live.

Kids are getting poor grades in school. Rather play than study. I also have intention to own a house. But due to monetary issues, I have yet to achieve this  aim. Owning a house is my priority as this can help my kids to concentrate. They are not able to concentrate in their studies here as there are too much distraction. But no one seems to realised that.

Why can’t I get what I wish for? Why is it so difficult? Until now, I have yet to get a new job as I had wanted. How to increase my financial position? All I can do is to cry myself to sleep. As I type this, my tears are flowing, but who can sympathies? Who will know and understand my position?



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